How Do I Do This?

OK, so I'm not Rick. I'm just someone who cares about him, and, by extension, his son. (His ex-wife, not so much. She can take care of herself.) My question is, how do you go about caring about a little boy who is 2600 miles away, when the boy's mother, and the court, say that it's fine that you don't --indeed, that you should not--care about him (but keep paying that child support, BTW)?

I am a former day care provider, a former child protective caseworker, and a mother to two wonderful grown sons. I cannot countenance a court system in which a father wants to be a part of his son's life, and yet is denied that opportunity, because of a vengeful mother and a court system that believes her tall tales.

I know that when my husband and I separated, we agreed that our children would spend a week with him and a week with me. I chose places to live that would accommodate this agreement. But how do you deal with someone who does not want you in your child's life at all? Who insists that you do not even need to know where your child goes to day care, or for how many days a week, to have "a relationship" with that child? Especially when the "relationship" consists of two, 40-second calls a week. That consist of, "Daddy, I don't want to talk to you." prompted by her reminder that, "Here's Daddy on the phone, but you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to." Sigh.

I don't think this is right. There is a young child, Aiden, who has a father who is willing and able to not only pay child support (which he is completely current with), but WANTS to be a good dad to his son. Why can't he be that dad that his son needs?

Know the truth.

I want to be an important part of Aiden's life.

Yes, I know I've been absent for nearly two years, but I doubt that you know the truth...

In the first six months of Aiden's life, I was his primary caregiver. But soon after adopting him, I became unemployed. Aiden's mother locked me out. She removed my access to all of our money. She told me not to come back until I had another high-paying job.

Broke and unemployed, no one would rent to me. Without an address, no one would hire me. Friends and family were sorry for my situation, but no one was willing to get involved.

Living in my car, I begged a distant relative for help. That help required me to relocate to rural New York. Aiden was the last person I saw in California. I read to him. I played with him. I cried. Aiden's mother was aware of my plan. She had me stopped by police. They let me go. Upon my arrival in New York, I knew no one other than my relative. I had to start my life over.

Even with my relative's help, I've been unemployed much longer than I've been employed. In my absence, Aiden's mother filed for divorce and thoroughly steamrolled me in family court. Without the benefit of my own legal representation, I lost joint custody of Aiden, and was ordered to pay more in child support than my gross income.

Last year, my father passed away. I inherited some money from my parents, which finally enabled me to pay all of the back child support. I've been current for several months, but Aiden's mother still hasn't cashed all of my support checks. My income and expenses are extremely low by California standards. For every three dollars I earn, one is for taxes, one is for child support and one is for my living expenses. Unfortunately, California is just too expensive for my limited income. I am still fighting for an appropriate child support order.

Since I moved to New York, Aiden's mother has not let me speak with him on the phone for a total of even one hour! I've sent him postcards, toys, books (search for "Daddy reads to Aiden" on YouTube), games and various other gifts (including an easy-to-use Skype-enabled mini-notebook computer), but I doubt that his mother lets him enjoy gifts from me. Meanwhile, she tells me nothing about Aiden's life. I don't know if he has his own room or how many hours per week he is in daycare or even his favorite foods/toys/pets.

I want to be a good dad to Aiden.