Happy Valentine's Day, Aiden!

To my son Aiden:

Dear Aiden,

I love you very much. You are a huge part of my life, and I will always do everything I can to be a very important part of your life. I will fight to overcome whatever obstacles lie in my path to being the best, most involved father I can be for you. I will never give up on being your dad, and I will never give up on you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

All my love,
Dad

Bad Faith, Again

Wednesday afternoon was a scheduled call from Aiden. In the few seconds I got to talk to Aiden  about last weekend's trip to my home, he said he liked the nearby park and my landlord's dog. We were having a conversation, as opposed to the all-too-frequent, "I don't want to talk to you, Daddy. 'Bye." calls I get.

Then the call was dropped after 57 seconds. I know it was dropped (meaning Aiden did not hang up) because my cell phone display read "CALL LOST."

I immediately called Aiden's mother's cell phone and home phone numbers, saying that the call was dropped, I did NOT hang up, and I would like her to call back so I could continue to speak to Aiden.

Nothing. No response. 


Aiden's mom tells the world she wants me to have a relationship with Aiden, and does her utmost to foster that relationship. But tonight's call was very clear example of how she does almost nothing to ACTUALLY make a relationship possible. Everything she does is for show. When she makes the court-ordered two calls per week--which she does not do consistently-- she prompts Aiden to hang up or, like tonight, never calls back. If you doubt this, I would be more than happy to show you my phone records and have you listen to the recordings of the calls.

Nothing Aiden's mom does is in good faith. When I requested to attend Aiden's doctor's appointment during my last trip to California, she sent me only the address of the giant medical facility where the appointment was; she never told me the name of the doctor. When I did manage to attend the appointment--much to her surprise--and had to leave immediately afterward to attend a conference with Aiden's teachers, she never told  me at the time that Aiden had another appointment--a follow-up with a specialist--immediately after the first appointment. She only casually mentioned in an e-mail later that they had seen another doctor after I had left.  I'm sure she didn't "forget" to mention the second of two back-to-back appointments . It was clearly done deliberately to exclude me from actually being present at Aiden's medical care. Then she sent me a message about the second appointment so she can claim, "Oh, I told Rick about that--I sent him an email." Her bad faith knows no bounds. 

Since she claimed that Aiden needed to see his therapist in order to process having an overnight visit with me (I'm not even going to get into how strange that is, given the amount of time Aiden has spent happily  with me), I asked Aiden's mom for the therapist's name. She sent me only the first name  of the therapist, along with the name of the giant medical center where this person supposedly works. Ummmm... first names are not enough, Aiden's mom...if you were really sincere about including me in Aiden's "treatment"--and isn't this all about Aiden seeing ME overnight--wouldn't you include the therapist's last name,as well?  


No? I thought not. It's all about the ability to say "But I sent Rick that information!" without actually sending me any information I can act on--for example, actually call the therapist. It's all show with Aiden's mom...she rarely, if ever, does anything in good faith. I challenge her to to do anything in good faith--I will certainly post it.

A Sunday with Aiden

I had a really nice visit with Aiden today.  When I picked him up, I saw that he had brought with him a change of clothes (A thank you to Aiden's mom for sending extra clothes yesterday that  Aiden ended up using today, as the extra clothes that I had bought him got sent back with him a few visits ago.)

I brought Aiden to see the home that I just moved into. It took about an hour to drive there, and another hour to drive back, taking up half of the allotted four hours. However,  I felt it was important for Aiden to see where he's going to be spending time with me.  I want Aiden to be comfortable and happy at his second home. I let him explore the rooms, and showed him the bedroom that's going to be his. He was excited to have his own room, complete with a mural-sized map of the world on one wall. I showed him the Los Angeles dot, then showed him New York state. Someday, he'll have some understanding of how far away that is. I certainly do, given that my sweetheart is still there.

After showing him my apartment, we took a walk around the neighborhood. I specifically chose the apartment because it's in a very kid-friendly area, on a quiet cul-de-sac with sidewalks Aiden can ride a bike on, a fenced backyard where he can play safely and help me plant a garden, and lots of natural areas nearby to explore. 

Then we drove a couple blocks (because Aiden didn't want to walk!) to the entrance to a hiking trail. Aiden enjoyed leading me down the path. I asked him what he should do if he saw a snake; he said, "Stop! And back up!" (Smart kid!) I'm really hoping to spend time outdoors with Aiden, to help him develop his "sense of wonder" about nature firsthand. 

After hiking, we came back and made peanut butter sandwiches, then drove back to Long Beach. I sat on a bench in the church yard and read Aiden more of "James and the Giant Peach" while we waited for him to get picked up. I overheard an elderly husband exclaiming to his wife that "Aiden's dad is reading to Aiden!" It struck me as odd that they would think this was such a remarkable sight. What have they been told about me?

All in all, I had a very good time, and I think Aiden did too. It felt really good to finally see Aiden in my own home, even if it's as new to me as it is to him. Now that I'm back in California for good, I'm looking forward to many more times like this with my wonderful son.

Duck, Dive, and Divert

Back when I was married to Aiden's mom, she came up with a slogan that described her preferred method of dealing (or rather, NOT dealing) with the people and situations she would rather ignore and put off until they gave up and went away (such as pesky creditors trying to collect overdue payments): Duck, Dive and Divert. She's honed her skills at ducking, diving and diverting for many years, and now she is a master.

I've sent Aiden's mother two e-mail messages (with the same two messages sent in OurFamilyWizard), one each yesterday and the day before (11/29 and 11/28) saying:

Remember that the court order states I can see Aiden two out of every three days I am in California. I am available Saturday and Sunday, so those are the days I would like to have visits.

Yesterday's message also said:

 I would like to see Aiden on Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Please respond so we can set up visit times and pick-up/drop-off locations.

So far, her only response (sent yesterday just before 10 p.m.) has been:

what happened to your desire to see Aiden on Wed?

Her question about Wednesday visits was in reference to a series of messages that last discussed weekday visits three days ago (Sunday, 11/27).

You can see she resorts to her tried-and-true tactics here--diverting the discussion from my requested weekend visits to the old topic of weekday visits, and ducking the current topic of Saturday and Sunday visits. Her response is not in good faith to address the serious co-parenting issue of establishing my regular visitation with Aiden, now that I reside in California.


Her Duck, Dive and Divert strategy ultimately results in the fourth "D," --  the Denial of Aiden's rightful relationship with his father.

I finally saw Aiden!

I finally got to see Aiden today, the first time his mother has allowed me to see him since I arrived in California on Tuesday, November 22 (FIVE days ago). She only allowed me a three-hour visit, far less than I had hoped for, considering that when I was in California in late October through November 11, I had ten four- to five-hours visits. 

Nonetheless, I had a wonderful time, and Aiden did too. He was literally jumping up and down with joy when he first saw me.  We visited the Colorado lagoon, saw the Terminal Island drawbridge go up to let a big ship pass, and even stopped at a store so I could replace the watch Aiden lost on his last visit with me. (He chose a Lego Ninja watch!)

When we stopped to get dinner, I was mindful of Aiden's mother's warnings about Aiden's overeating, and only allowed Aiden to eat a single small fish taco, as Aiden's mother had suggested at the beginning of the visit. Aiden asked for snacks throughout the remainder of the visit, but I (reluctantly) had to tell him, "No, your mom doesn't want you to eat any more." I have to say that it's really hard to listen to your child say "I'm hungry!" over and over again and yet only be allowed to feed him a small amount of food.

I'm thrilled to here in California, so that I can see Aiden regularly. That's why I returned: to spend time with my little boy, who needs his dad in his life. I want to be there to read him stories and tuck him into bed; I want to help him with his homework and go to Open House night at his school; I want to take him hiking and show him the flowers and animals in the woods that he can't see around his urban condominium home.

But first, Aiden's mom has to let go a little bit and let me be a dad to Aiden. She has to agree to let me see him for more than a few hours at a time, for overnights and weekends. And so far, she has not been willing to do that--despite the long series of visits earlier this month. When I told Aiden that I had been in California since Tuesday, he understood enough to ask me why I hadn't seen him. I told him the truth: because his mother wouldn't let me see him. Not even for a couple of hours after school during this past week, when I was not working and Aiden was being watched by a babysitter. And that is truly sad, for me but especially for Aiden.

The Sounds of Silence

So far, Aiden's mother has not responded to any of my e-mails or OurFamilyWizard messages asking her to let me see Aiden. In fact, she has still not even opened any of the three OurFamilyWizard messages. 

I also left two phone messages (one each on her home phone and cell phone) both today and yesterday; she neither answered those calls nor responded to them.

Regardless of whether you believe I should be able to see my son this Thanksgiving weekend, her lack of consideration in failing to respond to my messages (though typical) is indisputable. I first let her know I wanted to see Aiden this weekend on November 18, more than a week ago. I understand that she may have had plans, but even so, why couldn't she have taken literally a minute to send a short e-mail saying, "Sorry, Rick, but I have plans"?  Ignoring my messages/calls is just plain rude, and certainly no way to foster a successful co-parenting relationship.


Knowing that her lack of response will prompt me to call her daily asking to see Aiden, I believe Aiden's mom may turn around and accuse me of "harassing" her. She did exactly that last August through October, filing six police reports against me for allegedly calling her at all hours. After I sent the police copies of my phone records, and clear evidence that she had previously made false phone-harassment allegations against me in court (See the previous post Phony Phone Records here), nothing ever came of these reports. But she may try that tactic again.


All I want is to see Aiden regularly. I want Aiden's mom to acknowledge that it's important for Aiden to have a strong relationship with me--and then actually take the actions to foster that relationship. Denying me time with Aiden even after I move to California, ignoring my calls and messages, and forcing me to use the courts to get even moderately reasonable time with Aiden, all speak to her malice toward me. I'd rather we just cooperated, but I can't reason with someone who seems bent on withholding our son from me. I just moved 2600 miles from my home of three years to show Aiden--and everyone else--that I am serious about being there for him consistently, a basic part of his life, and that I'm not willing to settle for anything less.

Thanksgiving thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone had a good day filled with family, friends and gratitude. As for me, I have many things to give thanks for. I am grateful for my job, my vehicle that actually made it across the country despite its 219,000+ miles, my friends who cheer me on, and my significant other, now across the country, who supports me wholeheartedly. I am especially grateful for my three sons, whom I now live close enough to see much more often. Just today, I met with one of my older sons and got to reconnect with him.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about Aiden. I have sent Aiden's mother two copies of three messages--one each on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today--asking to see Aiden this weekend. Each message was sent to her to both her e-mail and her OurFamilyWizard account, which tracks when each message is viewed.  As of this posting, she has not responded at all to the messages, not even to say, "Not a chance, buddy." In fact, she has not even opened the three OurFamilyWizard messages concerning visits, even though she did open (on Wednesday at about 9:30 p.m.) the two messages concerning phone calls that were sent after the first two messages about visits.

As I said in my previous post, I suspect she will deny me any time with Aiden until we have court on December 20; perhaps she will cite the 30-day notice provision of the court order of ten months ago (though she waived that provision for my 2-week stay in October/November, and my recent move to California was precipitated by a job offer less than 30 days ago); or perhaps she will not give me any reason at all.

I had asked Aiden's mother to have Aiden call me today, Thanksgiving Day, in addition to the twice-weekly scheduled calls. Here is the complete transcript of today's 8-second call:

Rick (R): Happy Thanksgiving!
Aiden (A): Happy Thanksgiving!
[disconnected]

I'm guessing that Aiden's mother will tell her friends that she complied with my request and had Aiden call on Thanksgiving to wish his dad "Happy Thanksgiving"---without mentioning that those were the only two words that Aiden said to me.

At least I got two words from Aiden...last year, Aiden's mom completely ignored my request to speak to Aiden on Thanksgiving.  I hope that by next Thanksgiving, one of the things that I can give thanks for is having a meaningful relationship with Aiden developed over a year of regular, good-quality and quantity contact with my son. Is that too much for a father to ask?