Thanksgiving thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone had a good day filled with family, friends and gratitude. As for me, I have many things to give thanks for. I am grateful for my job, my vehicle that actually made it across the country despite its 219,000+ miles, my friends who cheer me on, and my significant other, now across the country, who supports me wholeheartedly. I am especially grateful for my three sons, whom I now live close enough to see much more often. Just today, I met with one of my older sons and got to reconnect with him.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about Aiden. I have sent Aiden's mother two copies of three messages--one each on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today--asking to see Aiden this weekend. Each message was sent to her to both her e-mail and her OurFamilyWizard account, which tracks when each message is viewed.  As of this posting, she has not responded at all to the messages, not even to say, "Not a chance, buddy." In fact, she has not even opened the three OurFamilyWizard messages concerning visits, even though she did open (on Wednesday at about 9:30 p.m.) the two messages concerning phone calls that were sent after the first two messages about visits.

As I said in my previous post, I suspect she will deny me any time with Aiden until we have court on December 20; perhaps she will cite the 30-day notice provision of the court order of ten months ago (though she waived that provision for my 2-week stay in October/November, and my recent move to California was precipitated by a job offer less than 30 days ago); or perhaps she will not give me any reason at all.

I had asked Aiden's mother to have Aiden call me today, Thanksgiving Day, in addition to the twice-weekly scheduled calls. Here is the complete transcript of today's 8-second call:

Rick (R): Happy Thanksgiving!
Aiden (A): Happy Thanksgiving!
[disconnected]

I'm guessing that Aiden's mother will tell her friends that she complied with my request and had Aiden call on Thanksgiving to wish his dad "Happy Thanksgiving"---without mentioning that those were the only two words that Aiden said to me.

At least I got two words from Aiden...last year, Aiden's mom completely ignored my request to speak to Aiden on Thanksgiving.  I hope that by next Thanksgiving, one of the things that I can give thanks for is having a meaningful relationship with Aiden developed over a year of regular, good-quality and quantity contact with my son. Is that too much for a father to ask?

California, Here I Come!

I saw Aiden for three excellent visits over Labor Day (three hours, four hours, and six hours) and TEN visits (four or five hours each) over two weeks between October 29 and November 11. Now, I hope I will be able to see him on a regular basis. Because I love my son and want to be a regular, consistent part of his life, I'm leaving my home, my friends, and my significant other to move to California; I will be arriving before Thanksgiving.

I have asked Aiden's mother for a one-night overnight visit on Thanksgiving weekend, and two-night weekend visits every other weekend thereafter. Her reply to this was, "[The mediator] was helpful in facalitating [sic] discussions. I wonder if we could have her help us with this disscussion [sic]--." (FYI, the mediator's local agency in NY serves NY residents, which I am not any longer.) I suspect she will not agree to this schedule, because the current court order stipulates far less visit time. It's possible she will withhold Aiden from me entirely until court on December 20, saying that I did not give her the requisite 30 days' notice. (Because of my job situation, I could not give that much notice for the October/November stay in California, yet she agreed to visits then---although only under much pressure from the court mediator and Aiden's attorney.) Will she deny visits altogether, or limit them severely, if there is no one to compel her to do otherwise?

My question is, why would she deny or limit visits? Aiden has been completely happy during all of the time he's spent with me, never once crying or complaining of any physical problem. Why would she not want our son to see me frequently and develop a strong bond with me, while at the same time giving herself a much-deserved break from caring for a young child? Isn't this a win-win-win situation for me, Aiden, and Aiden's mom? According to my own and Aiden's attorneys, every other weekend is a pretty standard visit schedule. Aiden himself wants to spend time with me--listen to how excited he is during these phone calls when I ask him about seeing me:

November 20 call-"I'm excited!"

November 17 call--"Could you come more?"

Of course, the calls end suddenly, shortly after he expresses his excitement at seeing me.

The current court order for very brief visits, on only two of every three days of my trips to California, was made almost a year ago. Because the court has postponed our case thirteen times, I have had to take Aiden's mom to court in order to see him for more than the court ordered time for every single trip I have made to see Aiden. Now that I will be living in California and available on weekends to see Aiden consistently, I'm hoping she will agree to my proposed schedule of visits without my having to take her to court. For Aiden's sake, that would be really great...but I'm not holding my breath.