During the past 4 months, my weekly average talk time with Aiden has been only 2 minutes 22 seconds, for a total of 41 minutes 20 seconds (I have recordings all but a few of these calls and call attempts). That's totally unacceptable!
36 scheduled calls (I missed 2 calls, 1 during court and 1 during a visit with Aiden).
18 calls never answered, never returned (50% of total).
6 calls promptly hung up, Aiden saying “I don’t want to talk to you” (17% of total).
1 call returned with subsequent conversation with Aiden.
11 actual conversations with Aiden (31% of total).
His mother should NOT prompt Aiden to hang up (I have two clear recordings of this). Her words say that she wants me to have a relationship with Aiden, but her actions tell an entirely different story.
How can I possibly build and maintain my relationship with Aiden in only 2 minutes 22 seconds per week?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Phony phone records
On Nov 9th, Aiden's mom and I had a court hearing concerning the Temporary Restraining Order she filed against me on Aug 26th, when I was again in California. I won't go into it here, but suffice it to say she made many allegations against me that I was ultimately able to prove were totally fabricated.
After I left California on September 1st, she filed four more police reports (in addition to the two she had already filed) saying that I had been harassing her by phone, while the TRO was in effect.
Her allegations are untrue, and simply do not make any sense. Why on earth would I "stalk" and "harass" her when I've been trying so desperately to have more contact with Aiden? In particular, why would I harass her by phone in direct violation of the TRO, while at the same time spending literally thousands of dollars in travel costs and attorney fees, trying to get the court to see me as a good dad and grant me more visitation time with my son? I would certainly not jeopardize my chances of seeing Aiden by doing things like that; it's just not logical.
In court, Aiden's mom presented a Verizon cell phone bill as "proof" of my harassing calls. I've attached it here. The thing is, all it proved was that she was lying to the judge.
In her phone bill, she chose not to include the columns (seen in my bill) that show where the call originated from, and its destination. Without this information, there's no way to tell which calls are incoming, and which are outgoing. She has marked "Rick" next to all the calls she says were from me, harassing her. Calls from me, on Tuesdays at 5:30 PM and Saturdays at 7:00 PM Pacific, are my scheduled call times with Aiden. These appear on my phone bill for 9/25 and 9/28 as calls to Alamitos, CA. Because she didn't answer those calls, they don't appear on her bill.
One of the ways she falsified the bill was to mark calls as being from me, even though they were calls she made to me . If you look at my own cell phone bill (here) on 9/25 (highlighted in pink), you see two calls clearly marked "Incoming CL" at 10:29 AND 10:35 (Eastern). Look on her bill: the pink-highlighted calls at 7:29 and 7:35 (Pacific) she has marked as calls I made to her--strange, as they were incoming to my phone.
One of the ways she falsified the bill was to mark calls as being from me, even though they were calls she made to me . If you look at my own cell phone bill (here) on 9/25 (highlighted in pink), you see two calls clearly marked "Incoming CL" at 10:29 AND 10:35 (Eastern). Look on her bill: the pink-highlighted calls at 7:29 and 7:35 (Pacific) she has marked as calls I made to her--strange, as they were incoming to my phone.
But the most damning evidence is all the calls she attributes to me that have the listed phone number of 000-000-0086. Those calls (8 on this page, 47 over the billing period record she submitted!) are most certainly NOT from me, because they are calls she made to her own voice mail (marked in yellow) to retrieve her messages. If you look on my phone bill (also from Verizon), you can clearly see that calls to that number (dialed as *86) are calls to voice mail (also in yellow), as they are marked "Voice Mail CL".
Saying in court that those calls were from me, when she obviously knew they were not, is perjury. It's proof that she will do and say almost anything to keep me out of Aiden's life (her original TRO requested that I have no contact with Aiden as well as her).
In court, the judge saw that she was obviously lying about the phone calls (and about other allegations that I was able to solidly debunk), and the TRO was completely dropped.
I'm thankful for that...but her behavior scares me. She actually told a friend that she looked forward to seeing me arrested. Exaggerating stories about your ex is one thing; knowingly presenting false evidence in court, and filing police reports and restraining orders based on these lies and outright fabrications, is something entirely different.
I'm an adult, so I can handle whatever she throws my way. But Aiden is being raised by a mother who believes that lies serve as well as the truth to accomplish her ends. I hope this is one lesson he does not learn from her.
Playing Games
I had my scheduled call with Aiden last night. To his mother's credit, she answered my question about how Aiden is recovering from his illness--though she did not volunteer any information until I asked and still will not allow me to contact his doctor directly for more information.
However, when Aiden came to the phone, he immediately said he could not speak to me because he was playing Candyland (a game I got him for his birthday). The entire phone call lasted under two minutes.
My calls to Aiden are prearranged; I call every Tuesday at 5:30 PM and every Saturday at 7:00 PM Pacific time. There was no reason for Aiden's mom to start playing a game with him just before my call, knowing full well that I would be calling. She could have played with him another time during the day, or held off until after my call. Or she could have had him call me back after he was done playing, as I requested in an e-mail I sent her after the aborted call. She even could have encouraged him to take a break from the game for a few minutes to speak with me, though of course he wouldn't have wanted to.
Instead, she chose to play games with me, by deliberately setting up the call so Aiden would not want to talk, and then failing to grant my reasonable request for a call back later. These games where she answers my call, but then pulls Aiden away from an activity or actively encourages him to hang up may satisfy her desire to keep Aiden from speaking to me, but at what cost to Aiden? Building a relationship with the father who wants to be an involved and important part of his life is certainly more important for Aiden than playing a game. Aiden should not be a pawn in her games; he's a little boy who needs his dad.
However, when Aiden came to the phone, he immediately said he could not speak to me because he was playing Candyland (a game I got him for his birthday). The entire phone call lasted under two minutes.
My calls to Aiden are prearranged; I call every Tuesday at 5:30 PM and every Saturday at 7:00 PM Pacific time. There was no reason for Aiden's mom to start playing a game with him just before my call, knowing full well that I would be calling. She could have played with him another time during the day, or held off until after my call. Or she could have had him call me back after he was done playing, as I requested in an e-mail I sent her after the aborted call. She even could have encouraged him to take a break from the game for a few minutes to speak with me, though of course he wouldn't have wanted to.
Instead, she chose to play games with me, by deliberately setting up the call so Aiden would not want to talk, and then failing to grant my reasonable request for a call back later. These games where she answers my call, but then pulls Aiden away from an activity or actively encourages him to hang up may satisfy her desire to keep Aiden from speaking to me, but at what cost to Aiden? Building a relationship with the father who wants to be an involved and important part of his life is certainly more important for Aiden than playing a game. Aiden should not be a pawn in her games; he's a little boy who needs his dad.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
An apology to Aiden's mother
To Aiden's mom: I apologize for my earlier post (now deleted) that implied you may have mistreated Aiden. I expect that you are doing the best you can, under the circumstances.
Readers: The whole situation with Aiden's health is extremely frustrating to me. I first learned about Aiden's swollen feet and legs on Nov 4th, earlier in the same day that I was scheduled to have a 1-hour visit with him, when his mother emailed me that "Aiden is sick today home from school. He is really worn out and his legs are really swollen. It is painful to touch his legs." During that visit, she said he has venous thrombosis (blood clots), but wouldn't provide me with any details about his diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. During the other two 1-hour visits, I felt that I could not ask for further details, without being accused of violating the then-active temporary restraining order. Aiden's mother never answered my scheduled call to him on Nov 6th. And while we were in family court on Nov 9th (when the restraining order was dropped), no further information about Aiden's condition was provided.
I heard nothing more about Aiden's condition until Nov 14th, when I learned (though not from his mother) that he had recently been in the hospital. And a different source (also not his mother), informed me that he has Henoch-Schönlein purpura (HSP). Late that night, his mother emailed me saying, "He has some blood in his urine. Don't know the cause could be from the medicine that was used to treat his legs last week. He is on medicine to help with the urine. In one day it has already worked as there is less blood color in his urine today." Meanwhile, she won't tell me what medicine he is taking, or how I can speak with his doctor.
Because bloody urine indicates kidney trouble, I am very worried about Aiden.
Readers: The whole situation with Aiden's health is extremely frustrating to me. I first learned about Aiden's swollen feet and legs on Nov 4th, earlier in the same day that I was scheduled to have a 1-hour visit with him, when his mother emailed me that "Aiden is sick today home from school. He is really worn out and his legs are really swollen. It is painful to touch his legs." During that visit, she said he has venous thrombosis (blood clots), but wouldn't provide me with any details about his diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. During the other two 1-hour visits, I felt that I could not ask for further details, without being accused of violating the then-active temporary restraining order. Aiden's mother never answered my scheduled call to him on Nov 6th. And while we were in family court on Nov 9th (when the restraining order was dropped), no further information about Aiden's condition was provided.
I heard nothing more about Aiden's condition until Nov 14th, when I learned (though not from his mother) that he had recently been in the hospital. And a different source (also not his mother), informed me that he has Henoch-Schönlein purpura (HSP). Late that night, his mother emailed me saying, "He has some blood in his urine. Don't know the cause could be from the medicine that was used to treat his legs last week. He is on medicine to help with the urine. In one day it has already worked as there is less blood color in his urine today." Meanwhile, she won't tell me what medicine he is taking, or how I can speak with his doctor.
Because bloody urine indicates kidney trouble, I am very worried about Aiden.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
"But I want to talk some more!"
Aiden's mother seldom answers my scheduled calls with Aiden. She has ignored 7 of my last 10 calls to Aiden. And even on those rare occasions when I do get to talk with him, she intrudes.
In a recent call, my son was very excited to talk with me "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" (0:1:30). However, when Aiden's mother prompts him to hang up, he protests "Don't wanna! Don't wanna!" (0:4:12). After a few minutes of actual conversation (albeit using her prompted questions), Aiden unexpectedly says sadly, "Bye bye..." (0:7:40). It makes me very sad that Aiden clearly wants to talk with me, but is not permitted to.
Shortly afterward, she whispers something, to which he protests, "But I want to talk some more!" (0:7:45). Finally, he asks me an often repeated question, "Why do knights need swords?" (0:8:44) and is disconnected without uttering another word (0:9:00).
Absolutely every visit and every phone call is directly controlled by Aiden's mother, prompting his every question and answer. Clearly, he doesn't ask or answer questions without her permission. It really irks me that she is so controlling and intrusive.
In order to have a normal relationship with my son, I want visits and phone calls that are unsupervised (or at least supervised by anyone but his mother).
In a recent call, my son was very excited to talk with me "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" (0:1:30). However, when Aiden's mother prompts him to hang up, he protests "Don't wanna! Don't wanna!" (0:4:12). After a few minutes of actual conversation (albeit using her prompted questions), Aiden unexpectedly says sadly, "Bye bye..." (0:7:40). It makes me very sad that Aiden clearly wants to talk with me, but is not permitted to.
Shortly afterward, she whispers something, to which he protests, "But I want to talk some more!" (0:7:45). Finally, he asks me an often repeated question, "Why do knights need swords?" (0:8:44) and is disconnected without uttering another word (0:9:00).
Absolutely every visit and every phone call is directly controlled by Aiden's mother, prompting his every question and answer. Clearly, he doesn't ask or answer questions without her permission. It really irks me that she is so controlling and intrusive.
In order to have a normal relationship with my son, I want visits and phone calls that are unsupervised (or at least supervised by anyone but his mother).
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Breaking my heart in one minute, seventeen seconds
It is so clear to me that Rick just wants to be a normal, involved dad to Aiden. To do the kinds of things that parents do with their kids every day--play games with them, teach them things, take them places and show them the all the cool things in the world. Because he's far away, obviously his time with Aiden is limited. But even when he's in California, Aiden's mom is using the court system to prevent Aiden from spending time with his dad and so developing some kind of normal relationship with him. When Rick was in California in August, he got to see Aiden only four times--for a total of about five hours--in the 16 days he was there. Three of those visits were court ordered. Rick extended his stay in California for the sole purpose of getting more visits with Aiden after Aiden returned from a trip with his mother, hoping that she would be kind enough to grant visits that were not court ordered. She refused. No, strike that; she never even responded to Rick's pleas to see his child. She just ignored his calls. So Rick sat in his hotel room, while Aiden stayed at day care.
This is a recording of a call Rick made during that visit; he was visiting the Aquarium of the Pacific, and wanted to share that experience with his son.
Because of Aiden's mom, a little boy and his dad never got to spend that time together. That day, that chance to build their relationship, is gone forever. And that's what breaks my heart.
This is a recording of a call Rick made during that visit; he was visiting the Aquarium of the Pacific, and wanted to share that experience with his son.
Because of Aiden's mom, a little boy and his dad never got to spend that time together. That day, that chance to build their relationship, is gone forever. And that's what breaks my heart.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Withholding telephone access to Aiden -and- bait to violate a dubious TRO
Fully 80% of my recent scheduled calls to Aiden have gone unanswered and never returned. Meanwhile, my legal challenge to Aiden's mother's dubious Temporary Restraining Order has not yet been heard in court, although the judge did order 3 one-hour visits while I am here in California. Until then, I am must not contact Aiden's mother (which suits me fine, frankly). Yet, at the same time, she maliciously mislabels my scheduled calls to Aiden (which the TRO allows) as "harassment", and has filed six police reports accordingly.
Here's my latest attempt to contact Aiden for a regularly scheduled call...
Aiden's Mom: "Hello?"
me: Telephone access to Aiden, please.
AM: "He's not here, but he's planning on seeing you on Thursday."
me: I'm calling for Aiden.
AM: "Hey! Rick? I have a question, why did you hire a private investigator instead of hiring David Karoda? We would have been a lot further and a lot more amicable."
me: I can't contact you right now. I'd like to speak with my son, because it's the regularly scheduled time. If he is not available at this regularly scheduled time, he may call me back later this evening at his conven...
AM: [interrupting] "Well, he's planning on seeing you Thursday."
me: I look forward to seeing Aiden on Thursday at Chick-Fil-A at 5 o'clock. Do I remember that correctly?
AM: "I dunno. Do you?"
me: Do you? Is he...
AM: [interrupting] "So why did you hire a private investigator instead of... Why did you want to dig up dirt, instead of just like coming to a mediation, that would have got you a lot farther?"
me: This is not an appropriate conversation. I was calling for Aiden. Have Aiden call me when he is available. Thank you. [*I* disconnected]
Before I learned how very expensive it is, I offered to pay for mediation with a professional mediator. Thus, to ensure that she would actually cooperate and not just waste the mediator's time and my money, I asked her to contribute half or at least a significant portion of the expense. In my mind, her loud refusal simply confirms that she was never really motivated to help me restore my participation in Aiden's life.
I could care less what she does with her life, but Aiden needs his daddy.
Here's my latest attempt to contact Aiden for a regularly scheduled call...
Aiden's Mom: "Hello?"
me: Telephone access to Aiden, please.
AM: "He's not here, but he's planning on seeing you on Thursday."
me: I'm calling for Aiden.
AM: "Hey! Rick? I have a question, why did you hire a private investigator instead of hiring David Karoda? We would have been a lot further and a lot more amicable."
me: I can't contact you right now. I'd like to speak with my son, because it's the regularly scheduled time. If he is not available at this regularly scheduled time, he may call me back later this evening at his conven...
AM: [interrupting] "Well, he's planning on seeing you Thursday."
me: I look forward to seeing Aiden on Thursday at Chick-Fil-A at 5 o'clock. Do I remember that correctly?
AM: "I dunno. Do you?"
me: Do you? Is he...
AM: [interrupting] "So why did you hire a private investigator instead of... Why did you want to dig up dirt, instead of just like coming to a mediation, that would have got you a lot farther?"
me: This is not an appropriate conversation. I was calling for Aiden. Have Aiden call me when he is available. Thank you. [*I* disconnected]
Before I learned how very expensive it is, I offered to pay for mediation with a professional mediator. Thus, to ensure that she would actually cooperate and not just waste the mediator's time and my money, I asked her to contribute half or at least a significant portion of the expense. In my mind, her loud refusal simply confirms that she was never really motivated to help me restore my participation in Aiden's life.
I could care less what she does with her life, but Aiden needs his daddy.
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